Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da

Grr…Arrgh.

I am so over this ankle sprain. I got hit during scrimmage last Thursday on turn 4 and fell awkwardly on my right ankle, which resulted in a high ankle sprain. My team-mates felt bad for hitting me and causing an injury, but I honestly don’t blame them. They were doing their job and preventing the jammer (me) from scoring. I blame myself. I stupidly ran 10 miles on Tuesday and came to practice on Thursday with legs that were still recovering and not up to an intense scrimmage. They just couldn’t support me properly and the ankle took the fall.

I am now on day 5 of being hurt and the pain hasn’t seemed to improve. The swelling went down by half, but the pain and stiffness is still there. I was told by the therapist to take a week off of running and skating is a ‘play it by ear’ thing. But, as of Monday (yesterday) when we had our next practice I knew I wouldn’t be ready to skate for at least another week. The ankle is just too weak to handle sharp cuts and stopping. And I am now in that angry and frustrated phase. I just want to skate! And run! My half marathon is 2 weeks away and I’m really worried I won’t be able to finish the race. :( I realize I’ll have to walk some of it because the ankle will still be weak, but this just pisses me off more, because I put all this time into training so I can have a good race and a possible PR, and it’s pretty much over because of an injury. UGH. (And don’t ever tell a runner that “there’s always next year”, because, yes, we know we can do better next year, but we trained for THIS race and we were going to do well THIS year and even better the next.)

So, in the meantime, I’ll be the lame-o sitting at home moping and doing my ankle strengthing exercises like a good girl so I can be back out on the rink kicking some ass as soon as I can.

Lesson Learned- Derby Daze

Do not think your legs can handle a tough 3-hour derby practice on Monday, a hilly 6.5 mile run on Tuesday, and a 2-hour derby practice on Wednesday. Because by the end of practice on Wednesday, these legs will give out while you’re trying to do transitions and you will fall awkwardly twice and in the process strain a groin muscle.

Needless to say, walking is fun today with the strained groin and the super sore legs and the many bruises forming on my hips and butt from those awkward falls. And we have scrimmage tonight. Oi.

Now, where are those ice packs?

I think I might actually enjoy being a jammer.

Now to work on my speed… anyone have any tips on getting faster?

Pst…

Hey! I made the roster for our first game!

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Self Doubts As A Roller Derby Newb

Newb. I hate that word. Hearing it always puts into my mind that I still suck. That I have a lot to learn. And I do. I do suck. I do have a lot to learn. But, that designation as a newb puts those thoughts into others and makes me feel like crap. We’ve been training for about a month and I can see all of the rookies start to have self doubts. Our first bout is in 19 days and about half of the rookies probably won’t make the roster. (Myself included.) Sometimes, we can’t keep up with the pace line. Sometimes, we can’t do a certain skill. Sometimes, we have a really bad jam during scrimmage and the other team racks up 15 points to our 0.

It’s hard to tell yourself that it’s okay. You’ve only been doing this for a few months while these All-Stars have been doing it for years. It just happens sometimes. Sometimes, you just have a bad day. And those All-Stars? They have bad days sometimes too. Sure, they look like they got it all down, but they may not feel that they do.

A team-mate summed it up best when we were lamenting to each other that we all felt horrible about our derby careers: the instant gratification of getting down the basic skills is over. These new skills take time to master. An All-Star player told us yesterday that she couldn’t get the turn-stop down until mid-season last year. And now? Now she looks like a pro.

So, while these self doubts keep creeping back every time I take a hard hit and fall, every time I fail to do a proper turn-stop, or every time I get stuck in the pack as a jammer, I have to remind myself of where I was just a few months ago. I have gotten faster. I can now not only do the t-stop, but the plow stop as well. I can do the turn-stop if I just slow down and do it. I have gotten better at cutting (my wheels now make that nice ‘squeaking’ noise when I turn them quickly). I have gotten better at hitting. And most importantly, I have gotten over my fear of scrimmaging with the All-Stars (those girls can hit!).

“To my ladies on the B-teams and new skaters, you keep your chin up and have some pride. If you’re on the B-team- you’re A-team must be pretty bad ass. If you’re brand new just know- it gets better. But I get it, sometimes it makes you feel inferior. You forget that this league is YOUR league too. You forget that you have the potential to be the best damn skater in the country. If you will it dude, it is no dream.  … the future is bright and it’s full of derby. So show some love to the ones coming up.” (Every Bunny Loves Derby)

So, my goal for today and the rest of the week is to TRY to believe in myself. They wouldn’t have put me on the team if they didn’t think I had what it takes to be a derby girl. I WILL get the hang of it. I WILL get better. And one day, I WILL be an All-Star.